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Article by The Editor · 29 July 2026
Sepia press photograph of a rain-soaked train platform with blurred commuters
The new express line shaves nine minutes off the morning run and removes the only nine minutes of the day nobody expects anything from you. We should be arguing about this more.
Article by E. Doge
The harbour authority voted to replace the pier's final human lighthouse keeper with a sensor the size of a lunchbox. He has declined to leave, citing forty-one years of service and a strong opinion about the fog.
Article by G. Weasley
Four hours of public comment on the downtown parking overhaul ended with a resolution to form a committee that will recommend when the council should next discuss forming a committee.
Article by The Desk
A tabby known locally as Magistrate has occupied the roof of a parked 1961 saloon for eleven consecutive days. The car's owner has begun taking the bus rather than negotiate.
One dispatch a week: the headlines that mattered, the ones that didn't, and a remark we probably shouldn't have printed.