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Article by E. Doge · 1 August 2026
The harbour authority voted to replace the pier's final human lighthouse keeper with a sensor the size of a lunchbox. He has declined to leave, citing forty-one years of service and a strong opinion about the fog.
Photographs in this edition are printed on living plates. Hover, or simply wait, and they will move.
Article by G. Weasley
Four hours of public comment on the downtown parking overhaul ended with a resolution to form a committee that will recommend when the council should next discuss forming a committee.
Article by The Desk
A tabby known locally as Magistrate has occupied the roof of a parked 1961 saloon for eleven consecutive days. The car's owner has begun taking the bus rather than negotiate.
Article by The Editor
The new express line shaves nine minutes off the morning run and removes the only nine minutes of the day nobody expects anything from you. We should be arguing about this more.
Article by The Desk
Forecasters, unable to agree on whether Thursday counts as rain, released a bulletin describing conditions as "damp in spirit" and advised residents to dress for whatever they believe in.
Article by The Editor
Three departments hit their targets this quarter and nobody wrote about it, because functional bureaucracy generates no headlines and no villains. Here is the headline anyway.
Article by E. Doge
The seasonal fog bank arrived early, closing the ferry twice and swallowing the entire eastern breakwater for most of Tuesday. Ferry operators call it unusual. The keeper calls it Tuesday.
Article by The Desk
A retort of devastating quality arrived at 3:40 a.m. and was immediately deployed against a bathroom mirror. Witnesses to the original conversation have gone to bed and moved on with their lives.
One dispatch a week: the headlines that mattered, the ones that didn't, and a remark we probably shouldn't have printed.